He came. He saw. He tripped... He swore.

Wedding Vow(el)s and Consonants

wedded-bliss

Today’s relationship advice bought to you by letters ‘A’ & ‘H’ If, after an extended period of inactivity you’ve undertaken a high intensity workout, you’ll know the following morning – when you’re forced to walk like a Thunderbird and refrain from sneezing lest you pop a rib or pee yourself from the pain – that [...]

Oh, what a tangled Web we weave – Online Dating

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I must say I thoroughly enjoyed Suddenly Single Susan’s recent column about the deceptive online dating game. And although I feel for SSS and understand her frustrations, to provide a balanced view I felt it was important for me on behalf of my bros to weigh in on the discussion. Before I get started, there’s something [...]

Men and gift buying – A real Pandora’s Box

Let’s face it – men are crap at buying Christmas presents. From year one, three men – wise men, no less – went shopping for gifts for a newborn. And what did they buy? No, not Huggies, dinosaur rattle or Teletubbies mobile, but gold, frankicense and myrrh. They’re hardly the kinds of gifts to make [...]

Me, my self-help and I – a Christmas lament

Is this man hiding under your bed?

As we tumble towards the festive season, on the back of an interest rate hike, with a bleak Christmas predicted for both retailers and consumers, once again I find myself sinking into a Santa-induced depression. I truly hate this time of year. And once again I find myself seeking temporary relief from my woes in [...]

How to avoid being attacked by a sea lion

That's not a handshake!

Anyone who thinks a sea lion’s bark is worse than its bite should have a chat with Jack Lister, 11, of Cairns who spent last weekend in a Sydney hospital following an “encounter” on Friday with one of these blubbery giants at Taronga Zoo, which, according to his dad, left him with a “dirty great [...]

The Handyman Can…

… Who can take a splintered chair Sprinkle it with glue Cover it with lacquer and a miracle or two? The Handyman The Handyman can ‘Cause he fixes things with love And makes the house run good… … Yeah, right. Not in my house he doesn’t. I’ve been married 20 years and if I’d been [...]

The Purple Rain falls mainly on his brain

“The internet’s completely over.” But don’t panic my Facebook friends – both of you – for this is the Gospel according to Prince who in the early 80s penned the hit ‘Let’s Go Crazy’, before he proceeded to do just that.  The Prince of peculiarity, now a devout Jehovah’s Witness, revealed in a world exclusive [...]

Google, where’s the credit for my hard work?

About two years ago, when I wasn’t ready, you took a photo of my then ramshackle house and posted it on Google Street View for the world to see – you rude bastards. Well, after 24 months of back-breaking renovations, I’d like to invite you back to take another snap. But that’s not going to [...]

Bad spelling gives us the schitzels

Wot gets up my knows? It’s the lack of care people take with spelling. A few weeks ago at a beachside cafe, a sandwich board caught my eye. It read, “Today’s Special – Schitzel Burgers …” It was lunchtime and I’d been weighing up whether to weigh myself down with a kilo of hot chips [...]

Midlife Man-ness — Forty Thinking

The following article appeared in the 2010 Winter Issue of

Man vs MasterChef

With My Kitchen Rules coming to an end, news of the return of MasterChef couldn’t have been timelier. For quality cooking shows, within a few short months, we’ll have gone from a smorgasbord to a piddling entrée. Let’s face it – five minutes of Fast Ed each week is not gonna cut it. And if, [...]

Ex-chaser’s war on public opinion

As a former police officer with ten years service and a number of pursuits under my belt, I feel qualified to weigh-in on the ongoing police chase, don’t chase debacle. It seems yet again the majority of public anger, fuelled by civil libertarians, is being directed at the “cowboys in blue”. Predictably, the drivers behind [...]